


Help Me-Pt. 9/?

by WinterReadingerDixon67



Series: Help Me [9]
Category: Marvel, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, F/M, Gen, Mild Language, Night Terrors, Readers POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-14
Updated: 2017-01-14
Packaged: 2018-09-17 11:24:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9321344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterReadingerDixon67/pseuds/WinterReadingerDixon67
Summary: Night terrors, horrifying memories plague your sleep. Haunted by what the future holds, you’re desperate to get your life back.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for being patient with me, school's been busy but I managed to get this part done for you! :)

* * *

 

 

“No, no, no, no, NO STOP! STOP PLEASE! Please!!” You bolted out of bed and ran straight towards the bathroom, locking yourself inside then scrambled into the furthest corner of the shower, gun pointed right at the bathroom door. All you could see were them breaking down the door, dragging you away from your perfect world, away from Bucky, your protection. Pierce holding you down while Rumlow and Steve took turns beating you up to a pulp.

The nightmare was always the same, but always different. It would always be the same three men, Pierce, Rumlow, and Steve. They would chase after you for hours it seemed, then when they caught you, they’d toss you to the floor and beat you to death. Either with their fists, their feet, or metal pipes. Steve’s face would always be cold, smiling darkly down at you as he hits you swing after swing. Then just before you slip away into the brink of death, he kneels down and always says the same thing, ‘Told you I’d kill you if you didn’t stay away from Bucky.’ Then you’d die only to be resurrected and go through the whole thing all over again.

Your breath came out in short bursts, wheezing, and sore from your screams. You gripped tightly onto the gun until your knuckles turned white, but you were shaking too much to hold it still. The coldness of the shower tiles against your back seeped into your bones, but you hardly even registered that. All your focus was on the door, locked, gun aimed right at it.

A fist pounding on the door jolted you out of your haze, scaring you, your fear meter blew over the top, so you emptied out the clip. Firing one shot after the other right at the door, not giving a rats ass if the person on the other side died or not. There was no way in hell they were coming in to get you, only to kill you later on. So you fired everything you had. Well after the clip was empty, you kept on firing, praying, hoping they’d just leave you the fuck alone. You needed Bucky, you needed him now.

“FUCK! Y/N, shit, Y/N it’s me, James. Everything’s going to be okay, I’m going to come in, okay? It’s just going to be me and no one else.” Bucky’s muffled voice came from the other side, your body tensed instantly when you heard another voice beside him.

“Let me know if you need anything alright?” It was female, but you couldn’t pinpoint who it belonged to exactly, your mind still raced, involuntarily firing the gun again, even though it was empty.

“Thanks, Nat, but I’ll be fine. Yeah, I know she’s going to need to tell everyone, but right now I don’t trust that son of a bitch. I’m still pissed at Steve and I’m not afraid to give him a repeat from before. I don’t care if he’s fucking Captain America or the President of the United States, he’s not lying on a finger on her or getting anywhere near her unless he wants to die.” Bucky’s voice grew by each passing second, you automatically flinched when Steve’s name was mentioned. You rocked back and forth, tears streaming down your face, the gun now quivering in your hands, was still pointed at the door. Murmuring Bucky’s name like a mantra, saying it repeatedly in hopes to help calm you.

“I know Bucky, he had no right to act out this way and he  _ won’t _ hear the end of it. But he has a point, which we will discuss after this dies down. But for now just take care of Y/N and  _ I’ll  _ speak with Steve. I’ll make sure Tony and Bruce are with me if he goes haywire.” Nat’s soft voice calmed you down some, she always did manage to soothe you that way when Bucky wasn’t there to help with the nightmares. “Use the lavender and lemon bath salts, it calms her. Bruce made them especially for her, it’ll help keep her nightmares at bay and keep her mind from overworking itself.” The sound of retreating footsteps informed you she left, leaving Bucky by the door.

“Y/N, I’m going to come in okay? It’s just me.” Bucky managed to break the lock without scaring you. He opened the door slowly, making sure he moved extra careful in order to not surprise you. His gaze fell once he saw your broken frame.

You were huddled in the furthest corner of the shower on the floor, the glass door now shattered across the floor in shards. Bullet holes littered all over the wall and door right where Bucky was standing prior to coming in. He stepped around the broken glass, wary of the gun in your trembling hands. Sure it was empty, but he knew just how fast you could reload it and empty it into a guy's chest, from what he remembered.

Making sure to keep his movements slow and gentle, he managed to untangle the gun from your fingers and toss it into the open hamper across the bathroom. Then he crouched down in front of you, caressing the sides of your face gently. Rubbing the pads of his thumbs along your forehead, underneath your eyes, across your cheekbones, all in smooth strokes. He leaned his forehead to yours, giving you a silent order to breathe along with him. You never even knew you were hyperventilating until then. Clenching onto his wrists tightly, you allowed yourself to put your focus on his blue-gray eyes. After many failed attempts to match your breathing with his, you managed to bring it down to where you were no longer shaking. 

“Good, good, that’s a start, Y/N. Is it okay if I touch you? I need to carry you over to the tub, that alright?” He spoke calmly to you, not wanting you to break your concentration on your breathing.

“Y-Yes, I’m...I’m fine with it.” He nodded once and carefully picked you up, careful so he wouldn’t step on the broken glass as he reached the side of the tub. You stared down at the floor covered in razor blade edged shards in horror, no longer in the fuzzy haze you were in before. “D-Did I do that?”

Bucky followed your gaze as he set you down on the edge of the tub. “Don’t worry about that right now, Y/N.” He turned on the water making sure it was the temperature you liked before crouching down in front of you, but you never met his gaze. Instead, it locked onto the bullet holes in the wall.

“But I could’ve hurt you or worse...killed you. Then Steve would definitely kill me then.” He breathed out through his nose to calm himself, Bucky tilted his head down to grab your attention.

“No, you did what you needed to. You were just protecting yourself and that’s it. And if Steve even lays one finger on you, he’s going to wish he never did.” Bucky’s voice was harsh, you hated how he had to choose between his best friend and his lover. It wasn’t fair to him. You honestly thought you’d be far better off without him. It’s not like you have something to live for anyways, your life was messed up, memories came and went, and your son was dead. Not to mention everyone might even want you dead. You couldn’t even muster the courage to hold his face in your hands without freaking out. Why were you born with this curse?

“Don’t,” his voice barely came out as a whisper, “don’t you dare think that. I  _ made _ my choice. I chose  _ you _ . Steve can’t make decisions for me. He knows damn well not too. I wish I could’ve helped the both of you, saved the both of you, but don’t you dare think that you have nothing to live for. Just….please, don’t.” You looked into his blue-gray eyes, studying them, gauging if they told the truth. He wasn’t wrong, you did have Bucky in your life now, but you weren’t sure if you were the thing he needed.

He looked down to your clasped hands and took them in his when you realized what he had planned you tried to rip them back, but he only held on tighter. With wide eyes, you watched as he took your hands and placed them on both sides of his face, covering them with his own. He closed his eyes and leaned into your touch, breathing in deeply. You forgot how the scruff on his face felt against the palms of your hands, how soft his skin felt. He kissed both hands, before running his hands down your arms, shoulders, back, resting them on your waist. Your hands stayed put.

“Let’s get you cleaned up, okay? I’ll even join you.” He smiled playfully and you couldn’t help but smile back at him. What you did next was unexpected to the both of you, you pulled his face to yours and kissed him like your life depended on it. Moving your hands through his hair, tugging him even closer. You heard the water shut off behind you, then felt his arms wrap around your waist, chests pressed against each other. It was just the two of you, in your own perfect world where everything was untarnished from the cruel world outside the protective walls of your shared bathroom. But sadly, he backed away, nipping your bottom lip beforehand.

“We should probably get in before the water gets cold.” His voice deep and husky, eyes dark with arousal, but kind. He helped you undress, filled the tub with the special bath salts and slipped in behind you, wrapping you once again in his protective arms.

* * *

 

Bucky let you sleep for a good few hours, sitting close by, facing the door to protect you if something or  _ someone _ decided to come barging in unannounced. You were more than glad for that, nightmares still haunted you, fragments of Jaimie laying in a pool of his own blood was enough to keep you up. But with the added fear of Steve coming in and making sure you were ripped away from Bucky permanently. So you ended up curled up in a ball against the wall, facing Bucky’s back, hand reached out so he could grab it if you needed the extra comfort.

Which was now. A knock came from the door, echoing throughout the room. It startled you, you grabbed his hand and pushed further into the wall. Bucky squeezed your hand while pulling out the gun he had tucked in the waistband of his jeans. He stood up, gesturing you to stay where you were, then silently made his way towards the door, gun at the ready. The knocking continued and all you saw were the three same men from your night terrors bursting in, then taking you out right in front of Bucky.

“Barnes, if you could please put down the gun that would be great. I’d like not to get shot when I came in. Thanks for warning me to FRIDAY.” Tony’s voice came from the other side. “It’s just me, Nat, and Wanda.” He looked towards you, you silently asking him about Steve’s whereabouts.

Still not lowering the gun, he opened the door. “And Steve?” They were taken back a little when they came face to face with the barrel of the gun and Bucky’s cold, death glare. Tony lifted his hands in a surrendering gesture.

“Out on a run with Sam then Fury’s sending him on a small solo mission, but should be back later. Can we come in now or are we going to talk out here?”

Not taking his eyes off them, he tilted his head towards you. “Chto vy khotite kukla?”  **(What do you want doll?)**

You got out of bed and pulled on a pair of Bucky’s black sweatpants and a gray hoodie, being completely engulfed in his scent. Taking a tentative step towards him, but stopping as you waited for final confirmation of your safety. “Oni mogut priyti v.”  **(They can come in)** He holstered the gun and gave you a small nod. You relaxed slightly and stood behind Bucky, taking his hand in yours, resting the free one on his waist. Wanda shut the door when all three of them entered the room.

They looked between Bucky and where you hid behind Bucky. Once you heard the lock on the door click into place, you relaxed completely. Releasing the breath you didn’t realize you were holding in. Laying your head between his shoulder blades. Squeezing his hand once more, you moved to curl up on the couch, Bucky trailing after you. The others situated themselves on the chairs in front of the couch.

“You know we’re going to have to talk about this eventually, Y/N. If you want help, you need to tell us what happened.” You picked at your nails nervously as you listened to Nat. A large hand covered yours, blue eyes locked on yours. There were no words that needed to be said, you knew what he was telling you.  _ I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere, you’re safe here. But they’re right. _

_ But what if Steve’s right, what if Hydra is using me to get to you? _ Bucky’s face hardened instantly, the gears in his arm adjusted. His eyes darkened slightly, clearly unhappy with what you were thinking.

_ No, don’t you dare think that. They’re not using you. We’ll worry about Steve later, okay? _ He linked his fingers through yours and gave it a slight squeeze.

_ Okay. _ You squeezed his hand back, offering him a tiny smile. He did the same, lifting your hand to kiss your knuckles softly before turning his attention back to the three other people in the room. You forgot they were in there and how they sat through your silent conversation.

“Was there anything we needed to know about what was just said?” Tony asked, clearly knowing you two were discussing something.

“Nothing to worry about Tony, really.” He didn’t seem to believe you, but he let the matter rest.

“Okay then, you ready to at least tell us what’s going on? You don’t need to go into depth, but at least give us an idea. If you can.” Tony spoke softly to not stress you further. You looked back at Bucky for confirmation, if it was actually safe for you to speak out. You had your answer when he placed the gun beside him on the sofa, in reaching distance so he could quickly fire at any moving target he sees as a threat. Curling your knees up to your chest, you took in a shaky breath.

“I was around nine when I found out what I could do. My mother said it was a podarok... _a_ _ gift _ , but she was wrong. It’s more like a proklyatiye... _ a curse _ in its own right. When I turned fourteen I had better control of it, but always made sure to wear gloves or abandon touching people's faces all together. Got married six years later to a wonderful man, Derek. He was my everything, we had little Jaimie a year after that. Derek loved him dearly, always made sure Jaimie and my needs were put before his own.

“That’s where Hydra came in. Wanting to provide for his family, he accepted a position as an engineer to help build whatever it was they were building. Jaimie was only two at the time we were taken away. Something ended up going wrong later on, which lead to Derek’s death. He was in pain and knew he wasn’t going to make it. I asked him what he wanted, h-he took my h-hands and placed them up against his face. He told me he wanted to fall asleep so he could no longer feel the pain.” You played with a loose string from Bucky’s hoodie, already feeling restless. You’ve never really gone in depth about Derek before, let alone Jaimie, but you were acting out clearly on instincts.

“What happened, Y/N?” Nat looked at you sadly.

“He told me to help him sleep, to take away the pain.” Your body shook as you trudged on. “So I did what he asked. I helped him sleep and death soon followed. I became Hydra’s property soon after that, they made sure to keep both Jaimie and I separate only letting me see him if I did something right.” The next part was more difficult for you to share because it wasn’t exactly something you enjoyed. But Bucky reassured you to keep going, so you did.

“I was assigned to be one of Bucky’s punishers, forced to make sure he paid for his slip-ups in anyway Pierce or Rumlow saw fit. Later on, they ended up finding out about,” you glanced at your hands, hating how they used to be controlled by Hydra, “what I could do. That’s when I ended up being Bucky’s handler. Then one day, I mustered up the courage to actually do something. So I helped him escape, told him to never look back and to find Steve because that was who he remembered the most. So he did, he ran and never looked back.” You didn’t realize you were crying until Bucky reached over and wiped away the tears, then pulling you closer to his side. You curled up against him, feeling him place a kiss on your temple.

“And the rest of it is history. You guys found me, Bucky and I got together and here we are.” Sure you told them everything, well...pretty much everything. There was still one huge detail you purposefully left out. Nat looked at you and you knew what she was thinking, but glad when she didn’t question you about it. Wanda also understood and didn’t say anything, Tony didn’t need to say anything because he already knew what happened. The room fell quiet, until a new voice filled the room, causing you to jump and Bucky to reach for the gun, aiming it at the door.

“Sorry to disturb you, Sir, but you have a meeting in fifteen minutes,” FRIDAY spoke, causing both you and Bucky to relax.

“Thanks, FRIDAY, make sure all the correct paperwork is there please,” Tony replied while standing up. He faced the both of you.

“Why don’t you get some rest, let us know if you need anything. The  _ both _ of you.” He offered you a small smile, before leaving. Natasha stood up and kneeled in front of you grabbing your free hand in hers.

“Wanda’s going to stay here and put up some temporary walls to help you sleep, but only if you want her to.” You were so desperate to actually get some decent sleep so you wouldn’t keep Bucky up. Body overcome with exhaustion, all you could do was nod. Nat smiled, kissed your forehead, nodded at Bucky and left. Bucky stood up, slipped the gun back into his waistband and carried you back to bed, Wanda in tow. Once situated comfortably, Wanda assured you the mind walls were only temporary and should wear off in nine hours, which was enough time for you to get some sleep. She informed Bucky they were meant to block out any negative memories she might have that would prevent her from sleeping. Once the walls were up, Wanda too kissed your forehead and told you she’d come back to check on you.

Bucky sat against the headboard while you curled up beside him, a leg thrown over his and arm wrapped around his waist. It was an awkward position, but you didn’t give a fuck. You just needed to be as close as you could to Bucky as you could. With the gun on the nightstand, Bucky’s free hand ran along your back in a comforting manner. Which you so desperately needed. For you knew it was drawing closer to the time where you were going to have to tell them about Jaimie, but you weren’t sure how they were going to take it, let alone believe you. But what worried you the most was if Steve was actually going to believe you or if you were just using it as a way for Hydra to get Bucky. You shivered at the thought and just burrowed deeper into the warmth the man gave you, deciding to just put it to rest and let sleep overcome your body.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think! How do you think Steve's going to react? What do you thinks gonna happen?


End file.
